The heavy scent of alcohol screamed, trying to drag him back to that decade-old past. But this time, Lu Yan really couldn't hold his ground—because there was something even more lethal than memories right beside him.
The warmth of this embrace instantly melted the ice and snow of ten years ago, bringing him back to this warm bed, where someone lay beside him under the blanket.
He felt half of his body being held, and he could feel her faint, soft breathing.
He could smell the scent of rice, milk, and jasmine. The blended fragrance kept drifting into his nose, filling his lungs to the brim with every single breath.
He could clearly hear every word Jiang Ci whispered in his ear. His pupils dilated. You're back? Me? Is she waiting for me?
No, she was drunk. Lu Yan's mind went completely blank on the bed for half a minute before he finally registered this truth that even an idiot could see. She was drunk...
Lu Yan gently turned Jiang Ci's head, which was buried against his shoulder. He brushed aside the bangs covering her face with his fingers, revealing her exquisite features beneath her white hair.
He stared at her face, just looking at her, and whispered, “Are you drunk?”
Jiang Ci didn't say anything, only frowning slightly as she hugged him even tighter.
She really was drunk... If she was drunk, would she not remember anything? He stared at Jiang Ci's porcelain doll-like face, unable to resist reaching out to poke it.
It was soft and warm, probably because the alcohol had rushed to her face. He remembered her skin usually being quite cool to the touch. If she wouldn't remember any of this after drinking, would she never know, no matter what he did?
The dark side lurking deep in Lu Yan's heart rapidly expanded. A sudden surge of possessiveness and destructive desire rose within him.
Jiang Ci was right there in his arms. The very person who occupied his thoughts day and night, leaving him utterly restless, was lying in his embrace without a single shred of defense.
His breathing grew heavy as he stared at the snowy-white neck beneath her open collar...
He lowered his head.
“If you can't hear me right now, nod your head.”
Jiang Ci didn't move.
Perhaps she hadn't fallen for his trick, or perhaps she was truly fast asleep. Lu Yan didn't know, but a sudden surge of courage and a desperate, reckless impulse pushed him toward the edge of the cliff.
“Then, I'll say it...”
“I've never really talked to you about what kind of thing I am. Honestly, I don't even know what I am myself.”
Lu Yan buried his face in Jiang Ci's neck, speaking in a soft whisper.
“Ever since I was a child, it felt like I was living two lives. One was in a world where everyone lived well, had plenty to eat, and stayed warm. The other was in this world.”
“I spent my days here, cultivating with the old man and fooling around with my fellow disciples. But at night, I would return to that place filled with towering skyscrapers.”
“But I couldn't actively control my body over there. It was like I was just a tenant in a shell.”
“My life was split into two halves by day and night. Year after year, sometimes I couldn't even tell which side was real and which was fake.”
“But after I turned six, the flow of time at night seemed to accelerate. Sometimes, one night here would be three days over there. Other times, one night here would be seven days there.”
“And just like that, while I was still only fourteen on this side, my life over there came to an end. I died of uremia—or maybe you could call it suicide.”
“My kidneys were like two dried-up loofahs. They were completely useless. All that was left was dialysis, dialysis, and endless dialysis.”
“They say there are no filial sons at a long-term sickbed, but lying there, I really think I was one. I watched my parents' faces grow more worn by the day, while their phones constantly rang with debt collectors.”
“And at the hospital...” Lu Yan chuckled, as if speaking of someone else's misfortune. “...there was a kidney transplant list where my turn would never come.”
“I couldn't bear to watch the parents who raised me pour everything they had into someone like me, who had no future.”
“So, on that day, I drank a massive amount of water. Bananas, potatoes, winter jujubes—I ate them all.”
“Dragging my swollen body, I walked to the top of a rockery in a park. Feeling my heart beating weakly, I watched the final sunset of my life...”
He began to tremble slightly. “So, from the age of fourteen, I started cultivating like my life depended on it. Relying on my experiences from that other world, I pushed forward despite the debuff of having a five-element spiritual root.”
He paused. “I cultivated so that I would never fall sick again. I cultivated because I thought that by doing so, I could hold onto everything.”
“I wanted to make the most of this opportunity—whether it was transmigration or rebirth—but this time, it seems the people who loved me left first...”
“No matter how hard I try, I can't keep a single person I care about. Whether I leave first or they do, we're ultimately separated by life and death. It's like I'm a harbinger of misfortune.”
“But now, I think I've fallen for you. What should I do? What can I even do? I'm afraid... I don't dare to do anything...” Lu Yan's voice grew hoarse, finally dissolving into a sob.
Jiang Ci was still fast asleep. His hand hovered behind her back for a moment before he finally wrapped his arms gently around her.
“So I chose to be a spineless coward, a gutless loser who doesn't dare to speak his mind. I can only take advantage of your drinking to ramble about my boring past.”
“And then take advantage of you along the way. I guess I'm just a modern-day creep, haha.”
Perhaps because the body in his arms was so warm—warm enough to make him forget his previous coldness—Lu Yan recovered his composure exceptionally fast, though his voice still carried a slight nasal quality.
He knew he had taken enough advantage of her, and he had made his choice. It was time to let her go.
He gently shook Jiang Ci's shoulder. “Wake up now. I've said everything I needed to say. Let me take you back to your room to sleep.” Jiang Ci merely frowned, showing no signs of waking up.
Lu Yan leaned closer, shaking her a bit harder. “My little ancestor, time to get up.” He brought his face right up to hers. “If you don't leave now, do you really plan on staying the night here?”
Jiang Ci seemed to hear something. Her eyes fluttered open, unfocused and dazed, and she leaned forward.
A soft, slightly warm touch, laced with the scent of alcohol, pressed against the corner of his lips. Her light, ticklish breath swept across his cheek, freezing him in mid-air.
Then, he heard words that shattered his sanity, words that made him want to throw all his previous self-deprecation right out the window.
He was held tightly by the girl in front of him. She whispered,
“Please, don't leave me. Don't leave me behind...”
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