She was unwilling to give up.
The failure of her mimicry was like a heavy hammer, ruthlessly shattering Li Nanzhu's last bit of naive fantasy about "fitting in."
But the longing to leave remained like inextinguishable wild grass, stubbornly growing in the depths of her cold heart.
Last time, she had told the "strange" truth and was judged as "unpleasant"; this time, she had spoken the "correct" platitudes and even mimicked the "correct" smile. Why was the result even worse?
If mimicking a "good child" like Xiao Ya was wrong, then what was "right"?
If Xiao Ya was the template for children, then adults must have a template for adults too, right?
And so, Li Nanzhu quietly shifted her observant gaze from the children to the others.
Over the next few days, more visitors came.
There were inspectors from charitable foundations, kind aunts donating old clothes, and even a middle-aged couple who just came to "check the environment."
Li Nanzhu was like a silent ghost, hiding in every possible corner, watching.
She discovered that the smiles on these people's faces were completely different from the innocent or fawning smiles of the children.
When facing respectable-looking adoptive parents, the director's serious face would squeeze out a smile with an extremely standard curvature, though her eyes remained cold. Her lips would merely purse slightly, stopping just at the right point. She didn't smile until her eyes curved into crescents like Xiao Ya did.
Her tone of voice was deliberately gentle and respectful, but every word felt as though it had been measured with a ruler—not a word too many, not a word too few.
And those adoptive parents, whether it was the refined couple from before or the fashionable pair this time, their warm smiles always shared a common trait. It was as if they were wearing exquisite masks.
The upward curve of their lips was elegant and appropriate, and their gaze was gentle. However, that gentleness seemed to be behind a layer of glass, making it impossible to see the true emotions behind it.
Their smiles were more like polite social tools than expressions of genuine joy.
So that was what a "correct" smile looked like?
Not unrestrained brilliance, not heartfelt sweetness, but... reserved, elegant, and distant? A standard arc meticulously drawn as if with a ruler?
Li Nanzhu felt as if she had discovered a new world.
So... there were different kinds of smiles. Not all "smiles" were good.
Before... was it because she had mimicked a child's smile? And the adults—the adults who held the "power of choice"—preferred another kind, a more mature and proper smile?
This time, she stopped practicing Xiao Ya's smile in the mirror and began trying to mimic the standard smiles of the director and the adoptive parents.
The corners of the mouth should turn up slightly; not too high, or it would look frivolous; not too low, or it would look forced. The eyes should be calm; not too bright, or it would look deliberate; not too dark, or it would look gloomy.
She had to give off a feeling of being "obedient, quiet, and well-bred."
In front of the cracked mirror, she adjusted the curve of her lips over and over, trying to find that perfect point.
This smile was harder than mimicking Xiao Ya, because it required control and restraint rather than release. But Li Nanzhu gritted her teeth and practiced stubbornly.
She felt that this time, she had grasped the essence of the "rules" and found the "right" direction.
However, the orphanage was a closed and sensitive micro-society.
Li Nanzhu's performance of "offending" potential adopters twice in a row—especially the second time, with that embarrassing and exaggerated act—made everyone remember her.
Furthermore, her subsequent behavior—staring into the mirror with various eerie smiles as if she were possessed—had long been noticed by the other children. They had completely labeled her as an "outcast" or even "ominous." To them, she was a source of bad luck, a jinx hindering everyone from leaving this hellhole.
The initial cold shoulders quickly escalated into more direct actions.
Taking advantage of their superior strength and numbers, the others began to carry out their plans to torment her.
Li Nanzhu could not understand the logic behind their current behavior, nor could she understand why they were doing this.
All the teachings around her told her one thing: everyone should love one another.
Perhaps everyone had long forgotten? Perhaps even she had forgotten.
But she remembered something else. She remembered the "standard" smiles of the adoptive parents and the director.
She also vaguely remembered a couple who had visited once mentioning during a chat that "one does not strike a smiling face."
Perhaps her current expression was just wrong?
She had to maintain the "standard" smile.
That way, maybe they wouldn't continue?
And so, Li Nanzhu forced herself to lift her face, squeezing out the smile she had practiced countless times—the one she believed was the most standard and proper.
The corners of her mouth turned up slightly in a perfect arc. She tried her best to keep her gaze calm and even attempted to add a hint of apology.
"S-sorry... am I in your way?" She tried to make her voice sound sweet and soft, her eyes curving into crescents.
This sudden, sweet smile caused the group preparing for their next move to freeze in shock.
They looked at the pale little face of Li Nanzhu, wearing a smile so deliberate, stiff, and yet so forced. The disdain in their eyes was instantly replaced by a deeper sense of unease.
After a few seconds of dead silence.
"Holy crap! What the hell is that expression!!"
"That smile looks worse than crying!! It's terrifying!"
"Don't smile! You're not allowed to smile at us like that!"
Li Nanzhu's long-practiced standard smile did not calm the situation. Instead, it was like pouring hot oil onto a fire, instantly igniting a strange kind of rage in them.
Why?
It was so painful. It was so incredibly painful!
It was the kind of pain that came from everything being wrong no matter what she did, from being rejected over and over again.
Her smile... the smile she had worked so hard to practice, thinking she had found the "rules"... why didn't it work? Why did it result in an even more brutal beating instead?
They wouldn't let her smile?
Smiling was something she had learned! It was what she used to protect herself! It was what she believed was "right"!
The adults had said, "One does not strike a smiling face"! What right did they have to stop her from smiling?!
This was all she had!
This was clearly the "smile" she had worked so hard to learn!
Why was even this not allowed?
She didn't understand. Why was her "living" wrong? Why was her "obedience" wrong? Even the "smile" she tried so hard to mimic was wrong—it was even an unpardonable sin.
Amidst the noisy voices, Li Nanzhu's peripheral vision swept the room.
Her smile was still frozen on her face, the corners of her mouth even stretching wider from the effort, revealing her white little teeth.
But in those eyes, all the fear, confusion, and desire to please vanished in an instant. All that remained was a cold, beast-like madness.
"You... can't... do... this... oh..."
"You... should... smile... right...?"
"I... want... to... smile...!"
"Why...!"
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