Guilt

Outside the room, a fine, continuous rain fell. Though they hadn't yet visited the Royal Court's capital, Limbo, even the surrounding areas seemed to be in a state of perpetual drizzle. People habitually wore dark clothing when going out. While the attire and architecture here gave Clo a sense of oppression, the diverse culinary culture still amazed her.

Perhaps it was because the people, accustomed to this oppressive atmosphere, poured all their pursuit of color into food and the pleasure of consumption. Clo didn't quite understand, but this might be why the worlds depicted by Royal Court writers, though often bleak, always featured the warmest scenes unfolding around dining tables.

The Royal Court's government didn't mandate dark clothing for commoners; it was merely a long-standing trend, oscillating between deep black, deep red, and deep blue.

This city, named Rulai, is situated near the Royal Court's capital, Limbo. The church's influence here seems unified, yet distinct from the concept of death, possessing a peculiar air of outward compliance masking inner dissent. However, these were not Clo's primary concerns.

The reason for their presence here was that the church here could cure Li Yue's madness. At least, that's what Clo had heard. Although Li Yue never showed much enthusiasm when it was mentioned, appearing listless.

The dean of the Western Continent's academy had told her that the church here could heal spiritual ailments. If the people here couldn't do it, then no magic user could.

Although Clo had a vague feeling that the dean had ulterior motives when he said this, she didn't have the energy to speculate. What if something happened? Even without her staff, she was still a Calamity Warlock.

However, she heard he had recently resigned, seemingly dismissed and sent back to his hometown. She wondered where his hometown was, or rather, what kind of magic needed such development.

Her thoughts were a little scattered, yet strangely clear. She stared intently at the young woman sitting opposite her. Li Yue ate mechanically, her pupils lacking any light, as if lost in thought, or perhaps simply spaced out, thinking nothing, or perhaps having thought of everything and merely waiting.

If all her thoughts were of me... that would be nice... Clo sighed softly.

“How is the raw fish here?” Clo picked up a slice of fish, its pale pink color and translucent quality catching her eye. Clo wasn't particularly fond of such food; she had limited experience with many dishes, mostly desserts.

Although the chains on Li Yue were invisible to outsiders, for safety's sake, Clo had locked her up at home and gone out alone to buy a rather lavish dinner for two. Every time she returned, she would find Li Yue with new injuries.

She still seemed to be in pain, but she had grown accustomed to it. She was once a god, now a human. Humans, such despicable creatures, get used to everything.

It's just that occasionally, she needs to vent that small emotion. She doesn't know what this emotion feels like; it seems like a rebellious impulse, or perhaps a peculiar sense of pleasure. Clo always protected her meticulously, yet Li Yue would deliberately harm herself to achieve a strange sense of revenge and happiness.

But these emotions were extremely faint. For Li Yue, if intense physical pain could numb her mental anguish, she could endure almost any agony.

In the past, her entire body's organs and bones had been dismantled piece by piece. What was a mere external wound in comparison?

“It has no taste, no feeling,” Li Yue murmured softly. “In my hometown, people mostly steam fish or stew it into soup. Sometimes, a good fish head was more valuable than the fish itself. But I see many people here eating it raw, or grilled, or fried.”

“But thinking about it now, I can't recall the taste, only a faint aftertaste. Perhaps this is what they call homesickness?” Li Yue frowned, thinking for a moment, then found it somewhat absurd.

“Hometown?” Clo blinked in surprise. It had been a long time since she had heard Li Yue mention that word. Li Yue occasionally mentioned it in letters, but after they met, she seemed to have stopped mentioning it altogether.

“But…” a trace of recollection flickered in Li Yue's eyes, those hazy memories feeling so ethereal and unreal. “It was just a dream. My hometown no longer exists. It was… destroyed…”

“……” Clo opened her mouth, unsure what Li Yue was thinking. Her words were contradictory, yet both seemed to be the reality. She didn't know which thread to pick up.

“I destroyed it with my own hands, yet it was something I had to do… I still remember… there were happy memories there for me.” Li Yue continued to chew, her mouth full of fish turned to mush, still chewing. “But all of that… is no longer important.”

“What is important now?” Clo frowned. The chains were still wrapped around Li Yue's hands. No matter what, she wanted to bind her fate with Li Yue's, even if the final outcome was destruction.

After all… she had always viewed this life as an accident. Any tiny ripple in human history could have affected her birth. It was entirely possible that her parents could have had another child.

“What's important now isn't important, nothing is important right now.” Li Yue suddenly smiled. Her hand twitched, and the chains made a clear, crisp sound, “Clink, clink.” echoing in the room.

“Hmm?” Clo couldn't read any information from Li Yue's face. She frowned, her unease intensifying. She had just finished her own meal, their first formal dinner since arriving at the lodging after leaving the train, and it seemed to be ending so uneventfully.

She moved closer to Li Yue and personally began feeding her the remaining food. She shortened the length of the chains, further restricting Li Yue's freedom of movement, filling the void of her already distorted possessiveness in this way.

“I won’t run away, not anymore.” Li Yue didn't resist, instead leaning gently against Clo's shoulder. She bit Clo's shoulder lightly. “You don’t need to be so careful. I can bear more pain.”

Li Yue, with a strange smile, allowed the somewhat enraged and obsessive Clo to roughly push her onto the ground. Her limbs were covered in wounds, and experiencing this pain seemed to become another way for her to reduce her guilt.

This is all punishment for me, who told me to love her so much… and to… want to drive her away…