I Want to Become the Sea

The moon was there then... once shining on the colored clouds as they returned.

Faint moonlight spilled into the courtyard, landing on the edge of the fountain where Li Yue used to love to sit. There wasn't much noise here, only the rushing sound of water, bringing peace to the mind.

It seemed as if nothing had ever happened here, just like when Li Yue first arrived. She only needed to busy herself with the day's chores and then wait for Clo to come home. That would be enough. There were no fated duels, nor were there any so-called gods.

Grey mist blurred the distant constellations. Everything before her eyes lost its history and name; the world was nothing more than a few shimmering, gentle shadows.

The moonlight scattered all the way, following the stream of water to the stone path in the courtyard. It trailed along the path, creeping up the walls of red brick etched with cracks and eroded by time, passing through the water-blue glass window to illuminate the girl still slumbering on the bed. Her eyes were tightly closed, and her disheveled hair was spread across the mattress, her face devoid of any expression.

“A Yue...” Clo held Li Yue's hand. She sat by the bedside, gazing at the young girl whose body was still marked with blood-red cracks. Her eyes held a touch of heartache, mixed with a certain degree of helplessness.

“Clo... Their voices... are too chaotic.” Li Yue slowly opened her eyes. Her gaze was somewhat dazed and clouded, lacking any spark of light—only a sense of trance, pain, and exhaustion remained.

“Until I digest these influences, I can only... stay awake... for a very short time each day.” Li Yue rose slowly, clutching her forehead. It seemed that even a simple movement like sitting up or turning her head brought a wave of immense pain.

“While I was enveloped in that chaos, I thought for a long time...” Li Yue hugged a pillow, leaning her body against another. “The academy... the Church... including you... everyone knew the Pope and I would have a battle, didn't they?”

“Due to internal and external pressures, the academy couldn't openly stop his plan,” Clo sighed. “Moreover, we all thought his plan had failed long ago, and that at most, only a false god would emerge.”

“How so?”

“He originally planned to revive ‘Judgment,’ but we all believed his plan was to revive ‘Redemption,’ based on both the number of God's remains and the faith of the Church,” Clo explained slowly, ensuring that the still-dazed Li Yue could fully grasp the meaning of her words.

“Until the moment the vassal of ‘Redemption’ died, we all thought his grand ambitions had failed.” Clo let out a sigh. “However, everyone wanted to know the outcome of your duel with the Pope.”

“Why?”

“The Royal Court is currently divided into two camps because of issues of faith. The Church's actions are becoming increasingly outrageous, and undercurrents are surging in the Western Continent. The Beast Kings are waiting for an opportunity. From the battle between you two, everyone hoped to see the future ordained by fate.”

“Clo... you were lying to me before, weren't you?” Li Yue propped herself up, her clouded eyes staring into Clo's. “You are also a Calamity-rank Mage. Why did you hide it from me?”

“I...”

“Was everything... arranged by fate? Or rather, what did you do?” Li Yue slowly sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. She struggled to stand, wanting to press her hands onto Clo's shoulders, but she hadn't expected her strength to have vanished completely. As soon as she stood and placed her hands on Clo's shoulders, she collapsed into her arms.

“Those flashing fragments, those distorted memories... they weren't fantasies... they were all real...” Li Yue said weakly. “They happened just a few years ago...”

“It was a time retracing, wasn't it?” Li Yue struggled slightly in Clo's embrace before being lifted up. A hint of helplessness appeared in her eyes. “I remember now... I stripped away the God's remains I had then, and then turned back time to that... that period where nothing had happened yet.”

“So... do you believe now... that nothing can be changed?” Li Yue looked into Clo's eyes, seemingly already knowing the answer. “I believe it now... becoming Her... is not a choice I can make. Fate allowed me to be reborn once, but it gave me no opportunity to choose... ‘Li Yue’ has no meaning for existing!”

“No...” Clo hugged the slightly trembling Li Yue. “Not yet... it hasn't reached an irreversible point yet.”

Those words echoed in her mind. She saw that Li Yue's eyes were filled with exhaustion, just like the scene when they had once bid each other farewell. Only this time, Li Yue didn't have the heart to endure it; she simply lay in Clo's arms, expressing her despair in the most powerless way.

“Clo... I don't own the sea; I want to become the sea...”