A Farce

Du Qi was currently utterly bewildered. From the moment he stepped through the gates of the Beast Taming Sect, he had sensed that something was slightly off—but he hadn't had the time to dwell on it then, because Su Li had been walking too fast, forcing him to hurry to keep up with her. But now he knew, and it was clearly far too late...

He sat on a stool, surrounded by a large crowd of elderly women who had lizards crawling on their heads, eagles perched on their shoulders, and snakes wrapped around their necks.

The old women were very close to him, close enough that he could smell the mingled scent of animal fur and medicinal herbs clinging to them. They stared at Du Qi as if looking at some rare, priceless treasure, their eyes shining with excitement.

“Young man, how old are you this year?” The old woman on his left looked kind and gentle—if one ignored the long, hissing red-gold snake coiled on her head. The snake was curled into a ring on her crown, its tongue flicking in and out as if it, too, were sizing Du Qi up.

Du Qi swallowed hard, his eyes involuntarily tracking the snake's movements. He spoke dryly, “Not yet... a hundred years old.”

Hearing this, the old woman's smile grew even wider, the wrinkles on her face smoothing out. “Wonderful! A young man, even younger than our little Li...” She sized him up, her gaze sweeping back and forth between his head and shoulders. “You look spirited too. A steady child.”

Noticing that Du Qi was staring at the snake, she smiled and took it down in her hands. “Don't be afraid. Little Red is very gentle—”

The red-scaled snake wound itself around Du Qi's neck. Du Qi felt the cool scales slide against his skin, the icy sensation tracing from his Adam's apple all the way to the back of his neck. His entire body froze completely.

The hissing of the snake's tongue rang in his ears, mingled with the old woman's satisfied, low chuckles. He was no longer even sure if he was sitting on the chair or if he had already fainted. He kept his breathing as light as possible, terrified of startling the serpent.

“Go die somewhere else, Old Ghost Li! Look how you've terrified the child!” An old man with a transcendent, sage-like air squeezed through the crowd and yanked the snake away. With a twist of his hands, the snake went completely stiff—Du Qi watched as the rigid body of the snake was wrung like a piece of rope in the old man's grip. Using the snake as a whip, the old man lashed the old woman who had just caused the trouble, sending her crashing straight into the wall.

Then, like a performer changing faces in a Sichuan opera, the old man turned around, his face instantly lighting up with a warm, genial smile. He looked at Du Qi, his voice dripping with friendliness. “Young friend, what do you cultivate?”

Du Qi had not yet fully recovered his wits. “A Co... Confucian cultivator.”

The old man stroked his beard. “A Confucian cultivator! Excellent. A scholar, an educated man. Very cultured.” He looked at Du Qi again, growing more and more pleased the longer he stared. “Just right to keep that wild girl, little Li, in line.”

As he spoke, several old women around him nodded in agreement, as if "being able to keep little Li in line" was their most critical standard for judging a person.

Du Qi's brain finally made a half-turn, and he understood—these people had completely run wild with their imaginations regarding his relationship with Su Li. They had mapped out a full, detailed relationship for them, down to the last word, before he himself had even had a chance to think about it.

He was here to take charge of Su Li. He was that "cultured scholar" who was just right for keeping that "wild girl" in check. Du Qi suddenly felt a wave of panic. Even though he and Su Li didn't have the slightest romantic connection, the title of "son-in-law" had already been thrust upon him in the eyes of these elders. Anyone would be nervous in his shoes. He quickly opened his mouth. “I'm not...”

Before he could finish, a massive crimson snake swallowed the silver-haired old man in front of him. The snake's body bulged into a human-shaped silhouette, and the old man's muffled roar echoed from within: “Li Chu!”

The great snake's belly bulged once, then twice, as if someone inside was trying to force it open. The silver-haired old woman, Li Chu, pried herself out of the wall where she had been thrown earlier. She shook the dust off her robes and laughed hoarsely, her voice full of spiteful delight. “Yun Fei, what are you pretending for? Die for me!”

After the snake thrashed a few times, a disheveled figure crawled out of its mouth. Covered in slime, Yun Fei squeezed out through its teeth and wiped his face. “Old Ghost Li, damn you to hell!”

Li Chu shot back with utter indifference, “Damn me? My mother's ashes are already buried in the ground—go play with your little toothpick somewhere else, you absolute idiot!”

Yun Fei's face instantly flushed red. His body expanded by another size, and the Golden Ape Dharma Body materialized behind him—a golden ape silhouette three times the height of a man broke through the corridor ceiling, beating its chest and roaring. “I'm going to slaughter you!”

He lunged toward Li Chu, the Golden Ape's fists smashing into the floor, sending wooden splinters flying. Several elders nearby were forced into the melee. Some tried to break up the fight, some joined in after being accidentally struck, and some squatted down to pick up the spiritual fruits that had been knocked over. The scene descended into absolute, uncontrollable chaos.

Du Qi sat on the corridor bench. In front of him, seven or eight old men and women were locked in a chaotic brawl. Above him, the ceiling was half-collapsed, and at his feet lay the shattered pieces of the teapot that had just been knocked over.

Tea trickled from the cracks, winding along the crevices of the floor tiles in tiny streams. He looked down, then looked up again at the melee before him. Then, he picked up his own cup of tea—which had miraculously escaped being knocked over—raised it to his lips, and took a sip. He suddenly felt a sense of familiarity with the scene. This kind of chaotic mess was something he felt like he had witnessed somewhere before.

In the distance, Su Li was walking quickly from the other end of the corridor. Her red dress fluttered in the sunlight as she hurried along. She had just gone to arrange Du Qi's accommodations, leaving with the words, “Don't terrify him.”

Yet, the moment she reached the corner, she heard a deafening crash from inside the room. A splinter of wood flew out from the ceiling, nearly grazing her shoulder. She froze for a second, then quickened her pace.

She kicked the door open with a loud bang. “Grandpas! Grandmas!” Seeing Du Qi sitting on the bench with a teacup in hand, looking as calm as a monk in deep meditation, her steps faltered. Her mouth parted, and her frantic tone dissolved into hesitation. “What... are you all doing?”

No one answered her. Amidst the absolute wreckage of the room, someone was trying to pull themselves out of a pillar, someone was squatting on the floor gathering spiritual fruits, and others were glaring at each other. Her gaze swept over them, finally landing on Du Qi.

He glanced at her, raised his teacup, and arched an eyebrow, silently conveying: I'm still alive.

Su Li stared at his gesture and fell silent for a moment. “...You adapt surprisingly fast.”

Further away, the Supreme Elder, who was sitting on the highest stone steps, let out a heavy sigh. He had originally wanted to use this opportunity to have a proper chat with the young man—to ask how he had met Su Li, who was left in his family, and what his thoughts were on the Beast Taming Sect. But before he could even open his mouth, the situation had spiraled completely out of control.

He closed his eyes, then opened them again. Looking at the mess before him, his face darkened to the point of dripping water.

He took a deep breath. Sinking his breath to his dantian, his chest vibrated as he roared, “ALL OF YOU! GET! THE FUCK! OUT!”