“Come, everyone, eat my pears! Big, yellow crispy pears!”
Seeing that everyone was entranced by his glamour, the Taoist smugly distributed the pears:
“My pears have countless benefits! If a man eats one, it tonifies his essence and qi. If a woman eats one, it nourishes her yin and vital energy. If an elderly person eats one, it extends their life. Even a toothless babe will receive nothing but good from it!”
Swayed by his pitch and amazed by the wondrous magic they had just witnessed, the crowd assumed they had encountered a living immortal. They all surged forward, shoving each other in a scramble for a pear.
The Taoist did not panic in the slightest. Confident that no one could see through his glamour, he casually reached into the pear seller's wooden handcart and handed out pears to the crowd:
“Don't fight! There are plenty of pears to go around! Everyone gets a share!”
Those who received a pear were overjoyed as they held the large yellow fruit. Taking a bite and seeing the crisp, juicy white flesh inside, they eagerly showered him with praise, calling him a living immortal.
“They really are pears! Such crisp and sweet pears!”
“These pears are so crisp and juicy! Delicious!”
“Truly a living immortal descended to earth! These must be immortal pears from heaven!”
Surrounded by flattery, the Taoist stroked his dragon whisker moustache with glee, thoroughly enjoying the praise. Yet his large, bulging eyes continually scanned the crowd:
This one is a bit too thin.
This one is a bit too fat.
This one is too old; probably won't sell.
This one is fit and strong; should fetch a good price.
Huh?
The Taoist's gaze suddenly locked onto a spot, his body leaning forward instinctively.
Standing among the spectators watching the commotion were a woman and two men.
The woman had a peculiar appearance—dark-complexioned, tall, and robustly built. If she were not dressed in women's clothing and styled like a lady, eight times out of ten she would have been mistaken for a dark-faced gentleman.
Behind her stood two men, one old and one young, who appeared to be her attendants. Dressed in coarse cloth garments, they stood silently in place.
Looking closer, the woman kept an oil-paper umbrella glued to her side. The umbrella's surface bristled with a dense black haze, overflowing with ghostly energy unrecognizable to ordinary mortals.
The green-robed Taoist immediately recognized her as one of the guests who had rested at the foot-shop earlier.
Wait, didn't this woman head north? How is she appearing here in Shouzhou City?
After a moment's thought, the green-robed Taoist realized that little hedgehog demon must have lied to him. Irritated, he pondered how he would punish it once he returned.
Before he could dwell on it further, the dark-complexioned, burly woman offered him a distant bow, wearing a gentle, amiable smile.
The green-robed Taoist felt surprised, but quickly came to an understanding:
Of course. This city is under the jurisdiction of the Demon Suppression Division.
Although she saw through my glamour, she didn't call it out aloud. She likely doesn't want to form a grudge with a fellow practitioner and attract an investigation from the Demon Suppression Division.
After all, she herself is detaining a beautiful woman's soul. If she draws the Demon Suppression Division's attention, it would only spell trouble for her.
Thinking this, the green-robed Taoist returned a bow to her.
—This was an unspoken rule among rogue cultivators in the wandering world. Should they encounter one another, they tacitly agreed to mind their own business and keep out of each other's way.
Unexpectedly, upon seeing his bow, the dark-faced woman froze briefly before nodding in apparent comprehension. But before the green-robed Taoist could react, she suddenly took a deep breath and shouted at the top of her lungs:
“Huh? Where did the pear seller's cartful of large yellow pears go? Why do these yellow pears growing on the tree look just like the ones from the pear seller's cart?”
—Her voice was rich with emotion and ringing with absolute clarity.
Fuck your mother, you bastard, you monkey-brained prick!
You damn well don't follow the code of the wandering world at all!
The green-robed Taoist wanted to burst into curses on the spot, ready to grease his soles and beat a hasty retreat.
Unlike illusions, once a glamour is called out, it can no longer deceive anyone.
Sure enough, as the glamour was shattered, the onlookers realized the truth one after another, pointing at the cart in shock and outrage:
“What a fraud! There's no divine tree or immortal pears—it's just a rotten wooden cart!”
“Aiya! It was all a trick! These pears are just ordinary yellow pears! Ptui!”
“You charlatan! You narrow-minded demon! Just because I wouldn't spare you a single crispy pear, you used sorcery to trick me out of my entire load?”
Realizing what had happened, the pear seller stepped forward and delivered a swift punch straight to the green-robed Taoist's head, sending stars spinning before his eyes:
“You fraud! You dared to swindle your granddaddy? Today, I'm going to give you a taste of my fist!”
Caught off guard, the Taoist took the blow head-on. A sinister look immediately darkened his face, and his hand beneath his robes formed an incantation gesture, preparing to strike back—
“Quick, report this to the authorities! Fetch the people from the Demon Suppression Division—tell them an evil Taoist is causing trouble here!”
A woman shouted loudly from the crowd, her voice sounding oddly familiar.
Although that old nun Miaoyun wasn't in Shouzhou, the Demon Suppression Division wasn't dead yet!
If he truly alerted the Demon Suppression Division, his meat sheep business would be ruined for good!
The green-robed Taoist nearly screamed aloud to ask the woman if they shared some deep-seated feud.
He yanked back his outstretched hand and scurried through the crowd with his head in his hands, like a rat crossing the street with everyone chasing after him.
Feeling utterly fooled, the mob cornered the Taoist. The furious pear seller gave him a thorough beating and forced him to compensate every penny before finally letting him go.
Driving his flock of sheep to the riverbank, the Taoist caught his reflection in the water and finally saw his own pitiful state:
His robes were torn to shreds, his eyes were bruised black and blue, and one side of his dragon whisker moustache had been ripped in half by who knows whom. He looked truly wretched.
“Baaa, baaa, baaa.”
“Baaa, baaa.”
“Hee-haw! Hee-haw!”
The sheep and the big blue donkey all cried out at once, though no matter how one listened, their sounds were filled with blatant gloating.
“Fuck her mother, black-hearted bastard who has zero sense of honor!
Consider that little wench lucky she ran off fast! She better not let me cross paths with her again, or I'll turn her into a meat sheep, skin her, pull out her sinews, and sell her to the Ghost Market for rations!”
Muttering curses as he looked at his reflection in the river, he heard the sheep bleating and viciously kicked out at them:
“What are you blabbering about?! Once we reach Kaifeng Prefecture, I'll sell every last one of you for Foundation Establishment Pills! When that time comes, I don't care if it's the Demon Suppression Division or the Ghost Suppression Division—anyone who sees this Dao Master will have to bow their heads and walk around me!”
“Baaa, baaa.”
Kicked violently, the sheep crouched on the ground, frantically licking its wounds as large tears trickled from its round eyes.
The Taoist let out a chuckle and patted the sheep's back:
“Don't blame this Dao Master for being heartless. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. The rich devour the poor, the powerful devour the powerless, and those with high cultivation devour those with low cultivation.
Living in this world, who doesn't die except for immortals?
Since you're helping this Dao Master trade for pills, I'll remember your contribution. Once my cultivation succeeds in the future, I'll chant scriptures for you so you can be reincarnated into good lives. Hehehe.”
With that, the rest of the sheep and donkeys began crying out again. The Taoist acted deaf to them, pulling a handful of herbs from his sleeve, chewing them into a mash, and smearing the green juice onto his face.
—He was already wearing green robes, and now with this sticky, goopy green mess smeared all over his face, he looked remarkably like a giant grasshopper spirit.
Ignoring everything else, the Taoist sat cross-legged directly on the ground and closed his eyes to rest.
He waited until twilight fell, when a sleek, plump giant hedgehog scampered over from under the eastern wall, squeaking frantically at him. Only then did the Taoist open his eyes:
“You useless beast! Were all those meals wasted on you? How are you so slow at tracking a few people?”
The giant hedgehog looked as if it had made a grave mistake. Drooping its head, it rubbed its two front paws together:
“Squeak squeak squeak! Squeak squeak squeak squeak!”
“Fine, fine! As long as you know where they're staying, that's good enough. Who would've thought that person also plans to take a boat to Dongjingfu? That saves me a lot of trouble.”
The green-robed Taoist managed a satisfied expression:
“Once this Dao Master captures the few meat sheep I took a fancy to earlier today, I'll go find trouble with them.
I'd like to see where that little wench can run when she's stranded and helpless out on the river.”
Rate on N.U.
