Lu Xueqing walked toward the window.
Three steps.
From the table to the window, it was only three steps.
Yet Lu Xueqing felt as though she had walked for a very long time—long enough to hear her own heartbeat: one, two, three. Each beat was heavier than the last, so heavy she felt Junior Sister Bai must be able to hear it.
After three steps, Lu Xueqing stopped.
She stood behind Bai Qingxue, the two of them very close.
So close that Lu Xueqing could see the stray strands of silver-white hair behind Bai Qingxue’s ear.
So close that Lu Xueqing could smell the faint scent of frost and snow on Bai Qingxue.
So close that Lu Xueqing could touch her just by reaching out.
With that thought, Lu Xueqing reached out.
Lu Xueqing’s fingertips hovered above Bai Qingxue’s shoulder, but they did not descend.
She paused there, like a butterfly that had hesitated for too long before finally daring to approach, its wings fluttering, unsure of which petal to land on.
As if having made up her mind, Lu Xueqing placed her hand down.
Her hand rested on Bai Qingxue’s shoulder, very lightly—as light as a leaf falling onto snow. There was no sound, no weight, only a slight coolness that transmitted through the fabric.
Bai Qingxue’s shoulder tensed slightly. Just like every other time she had been touched, it was a reaction of the body preceding the mind—the instinctive response of a body accustomed to carrying everything alone.
But this time, the tension did not last.
It relaxed.
Lu Xueqing felt that loosening.
Her fingers slid down from Bai Qingxue’s shoulder, down her arm, to her hand.
Then she reached out, her fingertips touching Bai Qingxue’s fingertips.
So cold.
Lu Xueqing turned her hand over, palm up, and gently cradled Bai Qingxue’s hand as it hung by her side.
She didn't grip it tightly; she only cradled it, as if holding a snowflake that could be blown away by the wind at any moment.
Lu Xueqing’s palm was warm. That warmth transferred from her skin to Bai Qingxue’s, bit by bit, like the first ray of sunlight hitting the river during the spring thaw.
Bai Qingxue did not move.
She didn't pull her hand away, she didn't look back, and she didn't speak.
She just stood there with her back to Lu Xueqing, letting Lu Xueqing hold her hand.
The spirit light lantern outside the window swayed gently in the wind, its light and shadow flickering on the window paper like a hesitant hand.
Bai Qingxue’s breathing was very light, so light that Lu Xueqing had to hold her own breath to hear it.
Lu Xueqing lowered her head, looking at their overlapping hands.
Bai Qingxue’s fingers were long and slender, her knuckles well-defined, and her nails neatly trimmed, radiating a slight chill.
Resting in her palm, this hand felt like she had caught a flake of snow falling from the sky.
She curved her fingers, gently curling them around the hand.
Lu Xueqing only held it loosely, as if afraid that any pressure would cause it to melt.
"Junior Sister Bai," Lu Xueqing said to Bai Qingxue.
However, Bai Qingxue did not respond, though she didn't pull her hand away either.
Lu Xueqing waited for a moment. In that interval, she could hear her own heartbeat and Bai Qingxue’s breathing.
Although Lu Xueqing couldn't say exactly what was different about Bai Qingxue’s breathing, she seemed to just know it was different.
If she had to explain, it was likely because during those days when Bai Qingxue had been unconscious, she had knelt by the bed, pressing her ear close to Bai Qingxue’s breath, confirming her breathing over and over again.
She was more familiar with Junior Sister Bai’s breathing than anyone else.
So she knew that now, within this breath, there was something she had never heard before.
It was very faint, like a current beneath the ice—difficult to hear clearly, but it was there.
"You can say anything," Lu Xueqing’s voice dropped, so low it was as if she were speaking to their joined hands. "Whatever you say, I will accept it."
Then she paused, her voice cautious and tentative.
"Why won't you talk to me?"
Bai Qingxue’s shoulder moved slightly.
Seeing that Bai Qingxue didn't answer, Lu Xueqing didn't press her, nor would she ever.
She simply tightened her hold on Bai Qingxue’s fingers just a little bit more.
Her thumb brushed against the back of Bai Qingxue’s hand, very lightly—once, then again.
It was like a comfort, yet also like a confirmation.
"I'll wait for you."
Four words.
This time, Bai Qingxue still didn't answer.
But her hand leaned a bit closer into Lu Xueqing’s palm.
It was a tiny movement.
So small that if Lu Xueqing hadn't focused all her attention on that hand, she wouldn't have noticed it at all.
So small that if Lu Xueqing hadn't waited for seven years, she wouldn't have known what the gesture meant.
Lu Xueqing’s nose suddenly felt a bit stinging. That sensation spread from the bridge of her nose to her eyes, and from her eyes to her throat, clogging there.
But she simply withdrew her hand from Bai Qingxue’s shoulder and let it hang at her side.
Even so, she did not let go of Bai Qingxue’s hand.
She stood there behind Bai Qingxue, cradling her hand, waiting for Bai Qingxue to turn around.
Bai Qingxue didn't turn around.
But she didn't make Lu Xueqing wait too long.
"Mhm."
A single word.
It came from the direction Bai Qingxue was facing, very soft, yet very certain.
It was the same as every time before, yet different.
Lu Xueqing closed her eyes.
The spirit light lantern outside was still swaying, its light and shadow shifting across the window paper.
The wind blew from the wilderness, whistling through the gaps in the window lattice with a faint wail, like someone singing in the far distance.
Lu Xueqing opened her eyes and let go of her hand.
"Goodnight, Junior Sister Bai."
Having said that, she turned and walked toward the door.
The door closed behind her.
Bai Qingxue stood by the window, motionless.
Her right hand still hung at her side, maintaining the posture of being cradled.
At this moment, the warmth from Lu Xueqing’s palm remained on Bai Qingxue’s fingertips, that warmth slowly dissipating into the cold.
However, Bai Qingxue did not pull her hand back; she simply let it hang there.
The wind outside stopped. The light from the spirit light lantern no longer swayed, casting a steady glow on the window paper like a dim, yellow moon.
Bai Qingxue lowered her head, looking at her right hand.
The hand was empty, palm up, fingers slightly curled, keeping the posture from when it was held.
Bai Qingxue watched it for a long time.
Then she slowly brought that hand back and pressed it against her chest.
Through the fabric of her clothes, she felt her heartbeat—it was a bit faster than usual.
She didn't know why she was like this.
Did she want to get closer? When Lu Xueqing stood behind her just now, she had accepted it. Did that count as "wanting"? Bai Qingxue wasn't sure.
Then, had her heart been moved by Lu Xueqing? Bai Qingxue couldn't tell that either. She didn't even know what "liking" felt like, so how could she know if her heart had been moved?
Furthermore, could her heart even be moved by Lu Xueqing? She practiced the Mystic Frost Heavenly Heart Art; she was supposed to sever emotions and desires, keeping her heart as still as water. If her heart was moved, where would that leave her path of cultivation?
Therefore, Bai Qingxue felt she couldn't give the answer Lu Xueqing wanted.
She didn't know the answer.
Just as she didn't know her own heart, she didn't know the hearts of others. She didn't know how much distance lay between two hearts, nor how long it would take to bridge it.
So she could only close her eyes.
In the darkness, that bit of warmth was dissipating bit by bit, and the thought of "wanting to stay" was sinking back to the bottom of the water.
Rate on N.U.
