The morning in the Blackthorn Forest was thick with mist.
A goblin with a particularly large nose and ears covered in gold rings was crouching, carefully hiding in the bushes.
His name was Gold Tooth.
He was the most notorious and wealthiest (self-proclaimed) traveling merchant on the Eternal Night Peninsula.
His nose was sharper than a bloodhound's; even from five miles away, he could smell the copper stench of gold coins and the rusty scent of valuable equipment on corpses.
Slurp...
Gold Tooth sucked back his runny nose, his greedy little eyes fixed on the black castle ahead.
The commotion last night had been too loud.
Flames had reached the sky, and the sound of explosions had been non-stop.
That was the smell of war.
And for a goblin, war meant one thing—
Wealth.
"Those idiot knights must all be dead by now."
Gold Tooth rubbed his filthy hands together, his mind racing with calculations.
"That refined steel armor, those enchanted weapons... even a fragment could fetch a good price on the human black market!"
He had been observing for a long time.
The castle was quiet, as if that terrifying "Pale Demon" was still asleep.
This was a godsent opportunity!
"Wealth is found in danger!"
Gold Tooth gritted his teeth, hoisted a tattered sack larger than his own body onto his back, and crept toward the edge of the battlefield like a giant rat.
As expected.
Although the larger pieces of equipment had been cleared away, there were still many good things scattered in the grass.
"Hehe! Half a mithril sword hilt!"
"Ooh! A fragment of a bracer inlaid with rubies!"
Gold Tooth stuffed things into his sack as he scavenged, his grin stretching from ear to ear.
Scavenging was truly the happiest job in the world!
Just as he was picking up speed and reaching for a shimmering piece of metal...
Click.
A faint sound of a mechanical lock engaging echoed above his head.
Gold Tooth's movements froze.
As a veteran... traveling merchant, he was all too familiar with that sound.
It was the sound of a crossbow being cocked.
And it wasn't just one.
Click! Click! Click!
The dense mechanical clicks instantly merged into a single sound.
A cold killing intent locked onto the crown of his head.
Gold Tooth swallowed hard and slowly looked up.
Then.
He saw the most beautiful and most terrifying sight of his life.
Five women in tight black nun habits with white wings on their backs were hovering in the air above him.
Their faces were as delicate as angels, and their figures as hot as devils.
But in their hands, they held menacing weapons with dark muzzles pointed directly at his forehead—
MK-1 Automatic Crossbows.
"Heretic."
The leading Battle Sister spoke coldly, her voice devoid of emotion.
"This is private property."
"Trespassers will be executed."
Hum—
The five crossbows simultaneously lit up with a dangerous red glow.
"Wait! Don't kill me!"
Gold Tooth was scared out of his wits. He collapsed to his knees with a thud, hands raised high.
"I'm a law-abiding citizen! I'm just a passing merchant! I have an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year-old child to feed..."
"Take him away."
The Battle Sister didn't listen to his nonsense.
Two of them dove down and grabbed Gold Tooth by the arms like a chicken, dragging him directly into that dark and terrifying castle.
...
Clinic hall.
Gold Tooth was curled into a ball, shivering.
He felt like he had entered a wolf's den.
To his left, a three-meter-tall abomination covered in patches, Roadhog, was using a massive file to sharpen his iron hook, sending sparks flying everywhere.
To his right, a young beast girl, Mia, was gnawing on a femur with loud cracks, looking at him as if he were a snack.
Behind the counter, that red-haired female devil, Elizabeth, was doing accounts. Every time she made a mistake, she would crush a glass.
"It's over... I'm dead for sure this time..."
Gold Tooth closed his eyes in despair.
"I heard you're a merchant?"
A gentle voice suddenly spoke.
Gold Tooth opened his eyes.
He saw a young human in a white lab coat wearing gold-rimmed glasses sitting on the sofa opposite him, holding a cup of dark liquid and looking at him with a smile.
Victor.
The legendary "Pale Demon."
"Y-Yes, My Lord."
Gold Tooth replied tremulously, his professional instincts making him reflexively squeeze out a fawning smile.
"This lowly one is named Gold Tooth, the most honest and trustworthy traveling merchant in these parts..."
"Honest?"
Victor glanced at the bulging sack behind him and smiled meaningfully.
"Is it a merchant's honesty to scavenge at someone else's doorstep?"
"This..."
Gold Tooth broke out in a cold sweat.
"But it doesn't matter."
Victor waved his hand, seemingly unconcerned.
"I also like scavenging... ahem, recycling resources."
"Since we're in the same trade, things are easier."
Victor pushed the cup of bubbling black liquid toward Gold Tooth.
"A guest from afar deserves a drink to calm the nerves."
Gold Tooth's face turned green as he looked at the liquid, which was as black as ink and constantly roiling with eerie bubbles.
What was this?
Poison?
Or some cursed potion that would turn a goblin into a frog?
"M-My Lord, I'm not thirsty..."
"Drink."
Victor's smile remained gentle, but his tone carried a hint of unquestionable pressure.
Beside him, Roadhog cooperatively raised his iron hook.
Mia also cooperatively bared her fangs.
"I'll drink! I'll drink!"
Gold Tooth was so scared that tears welled up.
Fine, if I die, I die!
He closed his eyes, picked up the cup, and gulped down a large mouthful with a look of martyrdom.
Gulp.
The cold liquid slid down his throat.
Gold Tooth stiffened.
It's over, I'm going to die.
However.
The expected agony did not come.
Instead...
Boom!!!
An indescribable, intensely stimulating coolness exploded in his mouth!
Countless tiny bubbles danced on his tongue, and the sweetness mixed with a strange roasted aroma instantly overwhelmed his taste buds.
Then.
The chill rushed up his esophagus straight to his brain.
His mind, which had been chaotic with fear, instantly became incredibly clear!
That feeling...
It was like jumping into an icy lake in the heat of summer, or the refreshing feeling of waking up naturally after sleeping for three days and nights.
All fatigue, fear, and anxiety vanished in an instant!
"Burp————!"
Gold Tooth let out an uncontrollable, long burp.
He widened his eyes and looked at the empty cup in disbelief.
"W-What kind of divine water is this?!"
"I feel... I feel like my soul has been purified!"
"My brain has never worked this well! I even remembered where my great-grandmother hid her secret stash of money!"
"Delicious! It's too delicious!"
Goblins were greedy, cowardly creatures who lived in a state of high mental tension.
This bottle of 'fat nerd water' that could restore sanity and bring ultimate joy was simply an irresistible miracle drug to them!
"This is called 【Dark Soul · Happy Water】."
Victor nodded with satisfaction at Gold Tooth's intoxicated expression.
"What do you think? If this were sold on the market, would there be a demand?"
"Demand?!"
Gold Tooth jumped up, his greedy little eyes erupting with unprecedented light.
"My Lord! It's not just demand!"
"It's going to sell like crazy!"
As a black market merchant with a sharp nose, he knew the value of this item all too well.
In this godforsaken, hopeless world.
Mercenaries, adventurers, and even noble lords would pay any price to relieve their mental stress!
Tobacco? Alcohol?
Compared to this 'divine water' that could elevate the soul, those were garbage!
"My Lord! How much do you have? I want it all!"
Gold Tooth lunged at the table excitedly, wishing he could hug Victor's leg.
"I can pay in gold! In magic cores! I'll even trade you my wife who hasn't married in yet!"
"Don't get excited."
Victor pushed him away with disgust.
"We are a legitimate clinic; we don't take wives."
He tapped the table, entering negotiation mode.
"I don't want to set up a stall myself; it's beneath me."
"I need a distributor."
"One who is familiar with the underground black market network, has wide channels, and... is obedient."
Victor looked at Gold Tooth with a half-smile.
"Do you think you're suitable?"
"Suitable! Perfectly suitable!"
Gold Tooth beat his chest vigorously.
"My Lord! Just ask around! I, Gold Tooth, am a figure with a name in the black market!"
"From here to the capital, from the slums to the noble districts, there's no cargo I can't deliver!"
"As long as you give me this business, I guarantee your 'Happy Water' will be sold across the entire continent!"
"Very well."
Victor nodded.
"Besides the Happy Water, I have some... by-products here."
He waved his hand.
Several skeleton soldiers walked over carrying large crates.
The crates opened.
Inside were neatly processed monster materials.
Teeth of the Twin-Headed Demon Wolf (made into daggers).
Pelts of the shadow leopard (made into cloaks).
And refined steel ingots smelted from those knight armors.
"Take these and sell them as well."
Hiss—
Gold Tooth took a sharp breath as he looked at the materials.
They were all top-quality!
And they were processed so perfectly, without any bloodstains or damage—they were practically works of art!
"My Lord... D-Did you slaughter the entire forest?"
"No, this is just normal recycling of medical waste."
Victor corrected him.
"Now, let's talk about the split."
"I provide the goods, you provide the channels."
"I want seventy percent."
"Sev... seventy percent?!"
The fat on Gold Tooth's face quivered, revealing a pained expression.
That was too harsh!
A typical distributor would get at least forty percent!
"What? You think it's too little?"
Victor narrowed his eyes.
Roadhog timely raised his cannon, aiming it at Gold Tooth's head.
"No, no, no! It's plenty! Plenty!"
Gold Tooth shuddered and waved his hands frantically.
"Seventy percent it is! It's my honor to serve My Lord!"
Even with only thirty percent, this "Happy Water" was an exclusive monopoly!
Even thirty percent would be enough to make him the richest goblin!
"Smart man."
Victor smiled.
He pulled out a parchment contract he had prepared long ago.
"Then sign it."
"Also, besides selling goods, I need you to do one thing."
Gold Tooth carefully pressed his thumbprint and asked, "Please give your orders, My Lord."
"Intelligence."
Victor's gaze became deep.
"I want you to use your network to help me collect information about the Corvinus family, the Holy Light Church, and... all the strange occurrences in this world."
"Even if it's the color of the underwear a capital noble is wearing today, as long as it has value, I want to know."
"No problem!"
Gold Tooth guaranteed, patting his chest.
"I'm no good at fighting, but when it comes to gathering information, if we goblins claim to be second, no one dares claim to be first!"
"Very well."
Victor stood up and extended his hand.
"Then, pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Gold Tooth."
Gold Tooth was overwhelmed by the favor as he shook that slender, fair hand.
He knew.
From this day forward.
His destiny had completely changed.
He had latched onto the thickest, hardest, and craziest thigh on the entire continent.
"Pleasure doing business with you, Lord Victor!"
"Oh no... Great Director!"
...
Half an hour later.
Gold Tooth left the clinic with a light step, carrying a crate full of "Happy Water" and monster materials on his back.
He looked back at the black castle looming in the mist.
In his eyes.
That was no longer some terrifying hell.
It was a gold mine gushing with coins!
"Rich... I'm really going to be rich this time..."
Gold Tooth hummed a little tune and disappeared into the shadows of the forest.
A "Happy Storm" that would sweep across the entire human world was about to begin.
Rate on N.U.
