If the World Wants Me to Die, I Want to Live

In the fifth year after they swapped back into their own bodies, He Mengshu fell in love with another woman.

That woman was young, beautiful, passionate, and fierce, her vibrant almond eyes glinting with spirited charm. At first sight, He Mengshu fell head over heels, unable to extricate himself.

He pinned flowers in her hair, painted her eyebrows, and whispered sweet endearments into her ear.

Li Suye leaned against the doorframe, watching this scene in silence.

After a long moment, she turned and left, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. “Immortal, I regret it. The happiest days of my life were not the endless tender moments I shared with my husband, nor the sweet, harmonious times as a family of three.

“They were those hard days of flood control, watching the commoners gradually settle into peaceful and contented lives.”

The light in her eyes gradually dimmed. She knew that opportunity came but once; she had made her choice, and what was lost was lost.

There was no point in begging for anything more.

Li Suye gave a soft laugh, her eyes drifting into the distance, filled with tears.

Shi Yu remained silent as she watched the mist shrouding her surroundings dissipate. The images concerning Li Suye faded along with it, and she found herself back on the mountain peak that pierced straight into the clouds.

By now, among the several clouds of white fog that had been slowly rotating around her, one had quietly vanished.

“What did you see?”

As the fog dissolved, an ethereal voice echoed in her ears.

What did she see?

Shi Yu fell into deep thought.

Did she see that Li Suye had made the wrong choice, that she shouldn't have trusted her husband's feelings?

Did she see that a single simple Soul-Swapping Talisman could alter another person's destiny?

Shaking her head, a vague answer took shape in Shi Yu's heart—one she couldn't quite put into clear words.

“Since you have yet to see clearly, keep watching then,” that ethereal voice sounded once more.

Then, another cloud of white fog enveloped Shi Yu.

What unfolded before her eyes this time was the life of yet another person.

The process repeated again and again.

Just as she had helped Li Suye, she altered their original fates using a medicinal pill or a spirit artifact.

Or sometimes, she did nothing at all, simply observing a mortal's entire life from beginning to end.

...

Shi Yu witnessed and intervened in the lives of many people.

In the end, when she returned to that fairyland above the clouds, every single cloud had dissipated.

She heard that voice ask once more, “What did you see?”

Shi Yu now had her answer.

After a long pause, she said, “I saw that human effort has its limits, and the world is beyond one's control.”

This answer caught the voice somewhat by surprise. “Oh? I thought you would say you saw the grand divide between immortal and mortal—how an 'immortal' with a simple flick of their fingers can rewrite a mortal's destiny, and thus come to crave an even higher realm of cultivation.

“This sense of absolute control is quite exquisite, isn't it?”

The voice seemed laced with temptation and subtle guidance.

“Perhaps so,” Shi Yu gave a slight smile.

Hearing the lack of conviction in her words, the voice asked again, “Then why do you say that human effort has its limits and that the world is beyond one's control? What brought you to that conclusion?”

Recalling the lives of others she had observed, Shi Yu pondered for a long while before speaking slowly, “Li Suye was not wrong. What was wrong was the world's unfairness to women.

“She possessed immense talent, yet because she was born a woman, she was confined to the inner courtyard with no way to display her abilities. Only when I swapped her soul with her husband's was she able to govern as an official and benefit the people using his body.”

Shi Yu recalled the hardships Li Suye had endured while managing the floodwaters. She had led the commoners to clear river sand, rebuild embankments, reclaim wasteland, and sow crops, sharing their food and lodging, weathered by wind and sun day in and day out...

Compared to He Mengshu, a scholar-gentleman who knew only how to compose ornate essays, she was indisputably a far better official.

Yet her daughter's single cry of “Daddy” had tipped the scale in Li Suye's wavering heart completely. She thought that this was a stolen, swapped life that was never meant to be hers, and that it ought to be returned.

But how was it stolen? The deeds she accomplished were real, and her achievements were recorded in official registers for all to see—no one could deny them.

Why shouldn't it have belonged to her? Simply because she was a woman. Under the rules of this world, the land did not belong to women; only the tiny square sky of the inner courtyard was considered a woman's true domain.

“In the end, Li Suye's choice to return to her proper place was not due to her ignorance, nor was it her fault. True, she wrongly trusted that her husband would remain faithful to her for a lifetime, failing to see what she truly loved and desired, but that was not her fault either.

“It was a matter of circumstances beyond her control, of a world that was inherently unfair.

“It was the world's conditioning of women, the world refusing to allow her to recognize her true ideals.”

Even if He Mengshu had not fallen in love with someone else and had truly cherished Li Suye for a lifetime, would such an outcome truly be considered good?

Those like Li Suye were never in the wrong, nor were their choices. What was wrong was the world that forced them into making those choices.

Pausing, Shi Yu felt a wave of sympathetic grief for her own kind.

She did not feel smug or self-satisfied simply because a casual gesture could alter someone else's destiny, nor did she step in again to force things back onto a so-called “correct track” just because she disliked the outcome.

Shi Yu raised her eyes, softly murmuring, “If I can alter another's destiny today, will someone else watch and meddle in my destiny tomorrow?

“If an unfair world descends upon me, how shall I resist? How shall I overthrow it?”

Her blank memories gradually filled back in.

She remembered who she was. She remembered entering the Nightmare Realm, remembered that her soul from another world was walking upon the path of Dao cultivation.

Yet up until now, all her choices had merely been floating with the current. She seemed to have never possessed a firm, explicit conviction or purpose driving her forward.

Revenge? Perhaps, but what after revenge?

She had come from the Mortal Realm, Senior Sister Yan Xiao had framed her, and Xuanqing Immortal Venerable had personally gouged out her spiritual meridian.

Shi Yu's initial goal had been to climb higher step by step until she returned to their side to personally slay her enemies with her own hands.

Yet the path of cultivation was long and arduous; revenge alone was not enough to serve as the foundation and sole conviction of her cultivation.

The voice spoke no more.

Shi Yu did not mind. She simply gazed at the immortal mountains and flying waterfalls, speaking softly, “I understand now.”

She finally understood the foundation that would allow her to keep walking down this path.

“I cultivate the Dao not to stir up world-shaking winds and clouds, nor to make a name that shakes the realm. I do not do it for longevity, nor for ten thousand years of carefree freedom.

“I cultivate the Dao so that if the world is unfair, I will resist the injustice.

“So that if the world wants me to die, I want to live.”

Thump. She heard something sprout within her soul.

That was her Dao Heart.

The moment her Dao Heart emerged, the Worldly Secret Treasure that had been nurtured in her Purple Mansion for so long sensed its master's steadfast conviction and finally began to take form.

At the same time, the surrounding fairyland scenes collapsed into dense spiritual Qi that poured into her body.

In her dantian, one newly born Qi cyclone formed after another, quickly approaching the count of seventy.

A swelling, bursting sensation arose in her meridians as scorching heat spread through her entire body. Before long, Shi Yu broke through with a roar, stepping directly into the seventh layer of the Qi Refining Realm.

Her meridians could barely withstand the excess spiritual Qi; if she continued absorbing it, she would risk rupturing them. Fortunately, the excess Qi promptly flowed into the Void Fissure Spiritual Flame and the Worldly Secret Treasure inside her Purple Mansion.

The Void Fissure Spiritual Flame swam about joyfully, soaking it all up, its tiny flame growing slightly larger.

The Worldly Secret Treasure also reaped immense benefits, finally taking complete shape under the nourishment of the spiritual Qi.